daffodils and owls…

10 kudos

more art…watercolor and pen

this is in memory of my friend, Red, who’s mother died on Monday.

 

daffodils

10 kudos

Yesterday I went to the first party where I actually drank. It was at Rockstar’s. Then I went to her house again tonight to help her make her girlfriend’s valentines present. I really like her girlfriend, whom we will call Sparrow. When her and my sister first started hanging out (they used to be close friends) I didn’t like her, even though I never talked to her. But now that I’ve gotten to be around her, I really like her. I told Rockstar that what makes me like her the most is that she never talks when she has nothing to say. I hate it when people talk just to talk.

Since Rockstar and Quin had suck a bad break, I have a feeling that if she’s sees any pics from the party she’s not going to be very happy. She went to visit my mom this weekend. I haven’t seen her in person for nearly a month. I miss her but I don’t think she misses me. I think she’s really confused right now and I really wish I could help her.

My mom finally moved out her my grandparents house. She’s in rehab (again). I’m not sure what to think about it. I want to be supportive but every time I think she might have it together she disappoints. Now I’m just immune. I hope.

Filing taxes would suck if I didn’t get money back. I dread the day I might actually owe money.

I made a watercolor of a daffodil. I decided that one day I would like a daffodil tattoo. They remind me of being little and life being magical.

 

Maybe the Appalachain Trail is my bohdi tree

10 kudos

Today I decided that I want to hike the Appalachain Trail. Then I decided I was crazy because what kind of person can spend three months with only one other person to talk to or be in contact with? (of course I would go with Kelley or someone). What the heck would I think or talk about while hiking for three months? I would have to bring some books on tape (mp3 really) or something so I wouldn’t go crazy. Or maybe I would be like Buddha who sat under a tree for forever and found enlightenment. Maybe I would become enlightened and discover the mysteries of the world, like what the point of existance is. Maybe I would finally figure out who I am and how exactly I want to live life. I could decide what in life I want to give up in order to pursure my dreams. After I figure out exactly what those dreams are.

Or I would just waste three months of life hiking so that I could say, “I hiked the entire Appalachain Trail,” and try to impress people.

Here are some pics from this crazy cold winter…

 

cartoon art

11 kudos

So I’ve started doing some cartooning and stuff…and found some inspiration for my tattoo…but i will post that another time.

and this is an example of what I am working on now. With the others I used colored pencil, but with this I am going to try watercolors.

 

soundtrack of my life

15 kudos

On my myspace account I made a the soundtrack of my life. But I think that really it was more like the soundtrack of my day. These songs I am about to give are more so the soundtrack of my life, songs that hold some meaning for me.

Best of You-Foo Fighters: This is the day I left home on foot. The day I quit letting my mother get the best of me.

I Want to Break Free-Queen: This is a song KC introduced to me and that we shared.

Hands Clean-Alanis Morissette: KC also introduced me to Alanis. This song describes our love life to a T.

Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel)-Billy Joel: My father used to sing this song to Quinn and I. I can’t even listen to it anymore cause it makes me cry.

Waterfalls-TLC: I remember the very day I heard this song when my mother introduced it to me. Those were the days of innoscence and forgiveness.

Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol: I never realized how much this song describes the lives of KC and I until my friend brought it to my attention.

This is all I can think of for now but I’m sure I’ll introduce some more later.

 

Marilynne continued…

10 kudos

It’s hard to decide what I liked more about the Barnes and Nobles. There was the fact that a Starbucks was connected to it. Not to mention how much I loved the smell of the place. That day I enjoyed how easy it was to just get lost among the book shelves. There is just something so peaceful about browsing books.

By now I had already picked up Kate’s book and Mom had wondered off to the mysteries section. The Kite Runner was easy to find since it had only been out for a few months, thus making its location the very entrance of the store. I began my way down the fantasy section, where I usually spent my most of my time. Then I wondered around for a bit, browsing random sections: cats, asian lore, magazines, religious fiction. I finally went on search for my mother to let her know I was going to go look around the plaza while she finished up.

Between my love for books and the length of time I had lived in Mesa, it surprised me when I came across Notes on The Table. It was a small music store, squeazed into a corner between Kohl’s and Verizon Wireless. The sign for the store was vertical, paralleling a large window that displayed over a dozen different concert posters.Under the window was a collection of cigarette butts.

I’m not sure what drove me to go into the store. I didn’t have any money on me to buy any music with. I guess if I ever believed in fate, I would say that what drove me in. As I made my way inside, the spring wind outside picked up and pratically pushed me inside.

 

wish i had some epitat

6 kudos

I need to throw up….why do people have to be so uptight? why can’t people just be loose and have a good time? why is everything so serious?

I decided to go see my friend Db while he was stocking at BiLo and I ended up staying for like an hour and a half. Bad idea. His manager came by and told him and the other boy working to clean up their mess and go home. It made me so upset because I knew it was my fault. Then I went and apologized to the manager, saying that I just wanted to tell Db something and didn’t mean to get them in trouble. He just said, “They got themselves in trouble.” I started crying when I left because I felt so bad.

I mean, on one hand I feel like I deserve it because they were at work, which isn’t a place for personal stuff. But at the same time, they were working the entire time I was there and they even helped a customer find something. I even stocked some.

I feel like I need to throw up. I can’t wait for Db to come home so I can ask him if I am the reason he got in trouble and how much trouble he’s in. I feel really bad for the other kid too.

 

I require some distance.

10 kudos

So, after writing that yesterday it turned out that my day was more like a negative million kudos. My mom is having a really hard time right now: her father is dying and can’t work but makes the effort to beat her, and she feels really alone. I miss her a lot and wish I could help her. She wants me to come down next weekend…ugh. But I talked to Rockstar about it and she said the worst that could happen was that I would have a shitty weekend, but if I didn’t go I would probably let it bother me a lot. I’m hoping it will help my mom out. She’s moving into her own apartment, getting away from Mimi and Grandad. I don’t even know what to think about them. It’s sad because I used to look up to Grandad more than anyone else. Then my sister came out.

Today was better though. After crying all night until I numbed myself with a movie, I felt a lot better. It’s funny how one minute you feel consumed by a problem but later (such as after a good night’s sleep) you feel farther away from it and see how you shouldn’t have gotten so worked up about it.

i love Taylor Swift’s Picture to Burn.

I’m glad I have Rockstar.

Wish me well next weekend.

 

Not much

10 kudos

With the new year I am going to try something new…

I will now start putting kudos for each day I write a post. At the end of the year I will put the kudos together to see what kind of year I had. I will set 10 kudos as a good day.

Today has been an overall lazy day. I played on the internet, went to walmart and arby’s, and read. Not much to report.

I recently did a charcoal drawing of an indian, which I am quite proud of. Then yesterday I did a painting of a japanese house with my new watercolor paints. I have to say that I am proud of that one too. I might do some more tonight.

 

wish i was the seeker

So, my sister and my friend have broken up. I’m not sure how i feel about it. I really expected them to stay together for a while but they had a really bad break up. Rockstar called Quinn out on her selfishness, and it pissed her off big time. But I think that in the end she is not denying that fact that she is selfish. I’m confused about how she feels about herself and I think that she is too. She keeps moving farther and farther away from me. I want to help her…but I can’t reach her. I’m not sure how to approach her anymore. We used to be best friends. She was the only person I could trust. It’s really crazy how things change. How positions move. Like chess. I call the red checkers because that is how I feel right now…bright and powerful.

I have been playing with the watercolor funess I got for christmas. I like it. I have also been reading and I can’t stop.

I love the sword of truth series. I strongly suggest reading it. The main characters are so perfect and Richard reminds me of Kelley. It’s about Richard who is a woods guide but later finds out that the future of the existence of earth is up to him because he is the seeker. He falls in love with Kalhan, even though that is the one person it is impossible for him to be with. The series is eleven books long and worth every sleepless night. I am now reading them over again because I have no life.